Penguin Velociraptor Llama Kill

I was thinking that it might be a good idea to come up with steps for escaping a velociraptor in the event that one might be caught alone and unawares and be lucky enough to only have to deal with one dinosaur (all highly unlikely, but they prepared for nuclear bombs by climbing under school desks, so what the heck, yes?)

Step One: Assume velociraptor like pose. Raise arms to chest level, hands hanging down to give the illusion of long claws, mouth open in a growl. This will confuse the dinosaur: it will wonder what you are doing and give you a moment to perform step two.

Step Two: Slowly reach into backpack and remove bazooka. Oh you don't have a bazooka? You're screwed.

Step Three: Tell the raptor it is now your captive and that you will be using it as leverage in making it out alive from the velociraptor horde. It will understand this to mean that you have something large on your shoulder pointed at its chest. Show raptor what bazooka can do by blasting a tree. This will startle the velociraptor that was creeping up behind you. Take out fake human arm from backpack and throw it behind you to distract the creeping raptor. Begin to move in a circle a la standoff with the original raptor. The tree you blasted will have begun to fall. Wait for the creak of the last remaining bark to snap. The fall will most likely get the third raptor that was in the bushes or at least give it an obstacle. Blast the velociraptor that went after the fake arm. Now the first raptor knows you mean business. It will cock it's head at you. You will cock the bazooka at its head. Whatever you do, don't run. Always be in a continuous circular motion, widening slightly your circle inch by inch.

Step Four: Take out your lighter and light it. The sudden small flame will startle the velociraptor. While it is confused, blast the raptor that has now gotten free from the fallen tree. Smother the raptor in gasoline from backpack and light it. There is nothing a velociraptor hates more than the smell of velociraptor flesh burning. It drives it mad, visions of the original Armageddon that terminated the velociraptor race will flash through its mind. This is your chance. While chaos ensues and the horde is overcome with brain malfunctions, run. Now is the proper time for running.

Step Five: You are running. Be sure to put bazooka on safety before running. You have approximately three minutes to make it half a mile from the velociraptor horde before they will gain composure and chase after you with a vengeance. You have escaped with your life, but not without the entire velociraptor race carrying a vendetta against you. Once you have gained the half mile, send a signal out to your army. The war is on.