Thursday, March 17, 2011

"Do velociraptors celebrate St. Patrick's Day?" An excellent question.

Sure.

Are you aware of the myth that St. Patrick cleared lovely Ireland of snakes? It was actually the raptors.

If velociraptors drank....

They would prefer whiskey. Obviously. And maybe brandy. And they would be able to clear half a bar because their metabolic systems are so fast. They wouldn't dance on tables, they would eat the tables. They would have competitions as to who could chew the most glass cups before losing a tooth.

I read an article about dinosaurs recently (I know, weird for me to go all semi-factual) and it said velociraptors were actually probably smaller than we think, although no less dangerous (their teeth marks are found on some very large animals, let me tell you) and no less intelligent (....). But I actually liked this idea of them being smaller. It made them cuter. And by smaller I still mean bigger than your average large dog. And by smaller I mean if they put on a hat maybe they could pass for a human (Eddie Izzard, anyone?). Anyways, I say this to invite you into my imagination for a moment where there are twenty raptors the size of hobbits running around a bar, eating tables, chewing glass cups, and, because its St. Patrick's day, singing in their raptor voices and raptor language.

That is my Patty's Day gift to you.


But don't kiss the hobbit raptors, even if they say they're Irish.

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