A strange package came to me in the mail today. Wrapped in brown paper, a tyrannosaurus rex was drawn upon the top. Within the package was a large book, similar in size to a bible, with pages gilded in gold and engraved upon the white cover are red leaves and another dinosaur of the aforementioned species. The title is engraved in black: "Jurassic Park: The Lost World."
Even now it sits beside my bed, and my mind races with eagerness and fear. I cannot tell what this could possibly imply...for months now I have been gathering information on my own, desperate for any clue to the suffering and the attacks. Now this book falls into my hands; I fear what knowledge it contains, but even more I fear of it falling into the wrong hands. I've come so close to a discovery, to an alliance even, to a hope...
Unto what world was lost, I now venture into, willingly and with open soul, and of this knowledge that I drink, if any shall prove dangerous to us, the human species, than that I shall withhold, and if any shall prove useful and good than that I shall divulge: you as my witness, my audience, dear reader, friend--trust in me, in this.
Tired now, and restless, never a good combination, wanting to at once run and lie down, move and stand still in the darkness being bothered now by buzzing lights. But I shall read, and read on.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
"Do velociraptors celebrate St. Patrick's Day?" An excellent question.
Sure.
Are you aware of the myth that St. Patrick cleared lovely Ireland of snakes? It was actually the raptors.
If velociraptors drank....
They would prefer whiskey. Obviously. And maybe brandy. And they would be able to clear half a bar because their metabolic systems are so fast. They wouldn't dance on tables, they would eat the tables. They would have competitions as to who could chew the most glass cups before losing a tooth.
I read an article about dinosaurs recently (I know, weird for me to go all semi-factual) and it said velociraptors were actually probably smaller than we think, although no less dangerous (their teeth marks are found on some very large animals, let me tell you) and no less intelligent (....). But I actually liked this idea of them being smaller. It made them cuter. And by smaller I still mean bigger than your average large dog. And by smaller I mean if they put on a hat maybe they could pass for a human (Eddie Izzard, anyone?). Anyways, I say this to invite you into my imagination for a moment where there are twenty raptors the size of hobbits running around a bar, eating tables, chewing glass cups, and, because its St. Patrick's day, singing in their raptor voices and raptor language.
That is my Patty's Day gift to you.
But don't kiss the hobbit raptors, even if they say they're Irish.
Are you aware of the myth that St. Patrick cleared lovely Ireland of snakes? It was actually the raptors.
If velociraptors drank....
They would prefer whiskey. Obviously. And maybe brandy. And they would be able to clear half a bar because their metabolic systems are so fast. They wouldn't dance on tables, they would eat the tables. They would have competitions as to who could chew the most glass cups before losing a tooth.
I read an article about dinosaurs recently (I know, weird for me to go all semi-factual) and it said velociraptors were actually probably smaller than we think, although no less dangerous (their teeth marks are found on some very large animals, let me tell you) and no less intelligent (....). But I actually liked this idea of them being smaller. It made them cuter. And by smaller I still mean bigger than your average large dog. And by smaller I mean if they put on a hat maybe they could pass for a human (Eddie Izzard, anyone?). Anyways, I say this to invite you into my imagination for a moment where there are twenty raptors the size of hobbits running around a bar, eating tables, chewing glass cups, and, because its St. Patrick's day, singing in their raptor voices and raptor language.
That is my Patty's Day gift to you.
But don't kiss the hobbit raptors, even if they say they're Irish.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
"Clever Girl..." VELOCIRAPTOR: OWNS
Do Velociraptors Get Sick: A Close Study (and by close I mean totally made up from my head)
Why no, my dear sole reader, (Hayley? Colleen? It varies) velociraptors do not take ill. They do not get sicknesses.
That is what they would have you believe, at least. In truth, one that falls ill is immediately shunned from the group so that the weaker genes cannot affect the rest of the horde. They keep these acts secret, as it makes them look as though they could be fearful of something. I wouldn't call it fear, though; I would call it pride. "We shall not be sick creatures!" and then you get kicked off the island.
So if a velociraptor were to fall ill, in any sense of the word, they would try to hide it, and perhaps more than a few have done so successfully; the successful few are not known. Of what happens to the outcasts we do know: They wander, lonely, crying in voices that would literally stop your heart, longing for their horde. They are unable to kill, their will being lost to them, and they slowly fade into nothingness. If I were to attempt to win over a velociraptor to my side (er not that I would...) I would seek out the lonely ones, seek to restore to them their former bloodlust---of course a bloodlust for the evil at work in the universe. Maybe I would make them vegetarians...the possibilities are yet unknown.
Sickness has been on my mind of late, as my body seems bent on killing me or crushing my will to do anything. I'm glad I don't live in a society that casts out the ill. I'm also very appreciative of modern medicine. But being sick so frequently makes me feel so weak sometimes, and I feel as though I am fighting more than just a virus or bacteria or whatever. The mind and body are so connected, are they not?
Why no, my dear sole reader, (Hayley? Colleen? It varies) velociraptors do not take ill. They do not get sicknesses.
That is what they would have you believe, at least. In truth, one that falls ill is immediately shunned from the group so that the weaker genes cannot affect the rest of the horde. They keep these acts secret, as it makes them look as though they could be fearful of something. I wouldn't call it fear, though; I would call it pride. "We shall not be sick creatures!" and then you get kicked off the island.
So if a velociraptor were to fall ill, in any sense of the word, they would try to hide it, and perhaps more than a few have done so successfully; the successful few are not known. Of what happens to the outcasts we do know: They wander, lonely, crying in voices that would literally stop your heart, longing for their horde. They are unable to kill, their will being lost to them, and they slowly fade into nothingness. If I were to attempt to win over a velociraptor to my side (er not that I would...) I would seek out the lonely ones, seek to restore to them their former bloodlust---of course a bloodlust for the evil at work in the universe. Maybe I would make them vegetarians...the possibilities are yet unknown.
Sickness has been on my mind of late, as my body seems bent on killing me or crushing my will to do anything. I'm glad I don't live in a society that casts out the ill. I'm also very appreciative of modern medicine. But being sick so frequently makes me feel so weak sometimes, and I feel as though I am fighting more than just a virus or bacteria or whatever. The mind and body are so connected, are they not?
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