Waitressing: It's what's for dinner.

One of my favorite professors from Whitworth told me to get a job after graduation that allows me to still be creative. I just started waitressing at a sushi restaurant, and while it's not something that exactly makes me feel like rainbows might come out of my eyeballs, it leaves me with a lot of free time during the day. And free time is the time given by the Fitzgerald gods to do things of worth. (Fitzgerald's free time was the sober periods of his day between the "I'm-still-drunk-from-last-night" mornings and "No-seriously-why-are-we-in-France" evenings, and the occasional "When-did-I-get-a-daughter" Saturday afternoons.)

I bring up the Fitz, or as I like to call him, Fizzy, because he was a great writer who spent most of his life feeling worthless, getting kicked out of fancy clubs, and then completing a book in one week.

It's hard in the Facebook era to not 1) try to spell "era" "are" and 2) compare oneself to everyone else on one's newsfeed. At times I feel so overwhelmed by appreciation for things others are accomplishing and abject despair that I am not accomplishing anything. It's a kind of emotion that is bottomless: Fill with amazement at awesomeness other people are doing; all that feeling is emptied by the bottomless hole that is your despair at not doing anything. Repeat.

All the juvenile comparisons aside (and a duckling's teardrop wiped away), what I'm worried about the most is that I just don't enjoy the very basic delights of life. I don't really know what else to say about that, except to give a metaphor: It's like I keep forgetting that dinosaurs existed.

That's really the best way to put how I'm feeling about life right now.

One of the ways I'm dealing with my abject despair or dinosaur amnesia is to apply to everything that I think would make me sound really cool to be doing. But I really don't think that's going to make me feel better in the long run. Dinosaurs must be restored to the gaping head wound.

I'm also working on my sketch art a lot. Latest is the anime character Ururu from "Bleach" because she is such a badass. I kind of mixed her with some Mord-Sith details. Maybe I'll post it later this week when I'm trying to boost my creativity midi-chlorians.